I finally got over you

You were my everything
You were my prince charming
the one who came and swept me off my feet
and took me away from reality
even if it was just for a little while
you taught me what true love was
you taught me how to love
in ways no one else can
and i will always carry that in my heart
you showed me sides of my self
that i thought were dead
never to come back to life
you taught me how to live away
to just be me and screw what everyone else says
you were my first kiss
and most importantly you were my first love
no matter how much time passes
there will always be a place for you in my heart
that will never fade away
i remember the first day we met
you had me from hello
I still get butterflies like it was yesterday
I remember as i was walking away
the feeling as though i was leaving a part of myself behind
yet at the same time
I was gaining something so much better
I never knew at that time
what i was getting into
you were the best
and the worst thing that ever happened to me
you make me vulnerable
in ways i shouldn't be
you were my best friend
and my worst enemy
i remember when you first said i love you
and that one night we were talking on the phone
and i just said "goodnight"
you said "no way, your not getting away with that"
that we weren't saying goodnight anymore
and i said "make me one promise"
and before i could even tell you what the promise was
you said "i will never say it, unless i mean it"
everytime i said i love you
i fell for you all over again

i remember the day you left
my heart breaks like it was yesterday
when you walked away
it felt like you were taking a part of me with you
a part i could never get back
it felt like everything i had gained
was now dead inside
you were everything to me
you were my first love
and when you said forever
i thought you meant it
that was my mistake

I built some many walls around me after that
completely shutting down
I didn't care anymore
Because without you
I felt i had nothing

But now I beginning realize
that you weren't the end
you were the only the beginning
you were the first
but you weren't the last
and even though your not in my life like you used to be
you are still teaching me things
like no one else can
you will forever be apart of my life
and in my heart
that will never fade away
no matter how much time passes by

I have come to realize that you and I
will never be
And at first that scared the heck out of me
Because i didn't think I could love anyone but you
but now i'm learning that its ok to love again

what we had is now only a memory
i will never forget that
but thats ok
because its just a memory
and now its time to make more
but with someone else by my side
teaching me new things
showing me things i never thought i could see again

I never thought there would come a day
when I finally got over you
but now that day is here
and i'm ok with that
i'm ready to move on
and i'm ready to let go

when i saw you that day
you looked at me, smiled and waved
i smiled and waved back
then you walked over and said hello
and as you walked away
i couldn't stop smiling
because i had finally let you go
when you walked over
i felt nothing
and when you left
i still felt nothing

that was the day, i finally got over you

Part One
Why it is, in a crowd of people
Every single time, your the only one I see
Your the one who always seems to know me
Better then I know myself
You understand me, In ways no one else
Could even begin to try
My heart has been shattered countless times
Causing me to put up so many walls
Hoping not to get hurt again
Trying to make impossible for any guy to get close
Yet some how you always seem to break through
Through all the walls and the masks
You never seem to care
You always seem to love me for me
No matter what I say or what I do
Or how many countless mistakes
I always seem to make
You always seem to be there
You never leave me
No matter how many stupid little fights we have
Or how many times I wanna walk away
You always seem to know the right words to say
To bring me back to you again
Sometimes I feel you are the best thing that has happened to me
But so many other times I felt you are the worst
You know how to make me laugh
When my world is crashing in
And all I feel like doing is crying
You are everything to me
You always have and always will mean the world to me
Just the thought of maybe loosing you
Brings tears to my eyes
And endless pain to my heart
Sometimes I don't understand you
Countless times I question you
You confuse the living crap out of me
One minute you love me
The next your my worst enemy
You always seem to surprise me
Just when i think your ready to give up on me
To walk away and never look back
You lay it all down
Just so we can be friends
Words can't explain just how much you mean to me
I love you


Part Two
You used to mean the world to me
You were everything to me
I could never picture my life without you in it
By my side
The thought of you walking away
Was a pain my heart could stand to bare
And now I'm the one whose walking away
The thought of you not being my life
Doesn't seem to scare me
But at the same time
Its still hard to picture myself staying
Sometimes I feel like you mean more to me
Then I will ever mean to you

I can't stand around and watch you always be hurt
Whats even more painful is when you blame me
Countless times you make me question
and second guess myself
Wondering if I really do cause you
The pain that you constantly say your feeling
And i'm tired of seeing you hurt
I'm done chancing it

I think I'm finally strong enough
to say I'm done
And really walk away

Maybe later in time
We will run into each other
And you will finally be happy
With someone who makes you smile
In ways I never seem to
I really hope you will be
I hope you find the happiness you deserve
That you become the person
I know deep down you can become

Just know
No matter what happens
How far we stray
I always have
Always will
Love you

She's the biggest judge of herself

When she looks in the mirror
She doesn't see what you see
You can tell her she's beautiful all you want
And all though its true
She doesn't see what you see
You can tell her over and over
She doesn't need to change a thing
But she doesn't see what you see
when you look at her
You see a beautiful flawless young lady
With beautiful eyes, perfect hair
A girl whose not a pound over weight
Someone who not only has beauty
But has the brains
A girl who make something of herself
A girl all the guys are after
But heres what you don't see...
When she looks in the mirror
She hates what sees
She hates everything about herself
She has a list of a milling things she would love to change
She looks in the mirror
and sees the scars that cover her body
from the inside out
every mistake she's every made
is written on her
She sees the real her
that hides under those thousands of masks
she hides behind them
to escape the shame she feels
she constantly feels the weight of the world
on her weak shoulders
She feels as though the world is constantly judging her
when in truth the world doesn't need to judge her
because what you don't see
is that she's the biggest judge of herself

this was written for a friend. who shall remain nameless. I love ya girlie. and i am always praying for you. don't give up. I know you can do this.

Your just History

Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me
I guess the blame is on me
Because you sure fooled me
I thought it was real
I thought it was true
But it turns out I'm just a game to you
Well guess what?, not this time
one...two...strike three baby you out

I fell for you once
Thought you were my prince charming
But that was once upon a time ago

This princess is just gonna save herself
because she has learned your just a waste of time

You had your chance
And you blew it
So now I've moved on
And I'm finally happy
You get no do-overs
no repeats

She's found her one true prince
Whose way better then you are
Or ever will be
So boy just walk away
Because your just history

Never really had a chance ♥

She thought she was in love
She thought you loved her back
That you were her prince charming
The one who would save her
The one who would give her hope
Turn her gray clouds white again

But she thought wrong
Maybe she did love you
Or maybe it was just a fairytale
But the truth was you never loved her at all
Not even from the start
You weren't her knight and shining armor
You never planned to save her
The only thing you planned to do was give her hope
You had to draw her in
You had to fool her

She gave you the one thing that mattered most to her
And you shattered that to a million pieces
without a second thought
Killing everything inside of her

Now she's scared to find love again
Scared to let anyone close againS

cared of what will happen when they see the truth
What she tries to hide with every mask she wears

The shame that she carries
Reliving that moment over and over again
each time she always blames herself

Trying her hardest to hide the scars that cover her
praying you wont notice them
Or the shame that is written on each one

All she wants is to be herself again
to be pure and whole again
Withoout the constant fear of being judged
She just wants to live her life
One day just one
Were she is truly happy
Without constantly looking over her shoulders
Questions everyone around her
Or having a million walls that surround her
Making it impossible for anyone to get close

All she really wants is to be herself again
To be accepted
To love
And to be loved

Who I used to be

As i look in the mirror
I slowly see myself fading
Little by Little
All because i'm slowly losing myself
And trying to be
Who I think you want me to be

I want so desperately for you to notice
So I change myself
Into someone I hope you'd like me to be
I'd do anything just for you to notice me

But I am slowly waking up
And realizing
You will never see me
If I change myself for you

You're so wrapped up in yourself
to even know I'm alive
I'm beginning to realize
that you were just a waste of my time

I thought we were close
That we had something special
But the longer i know you

The more i begin to realize
I never knew the real you
to begin with

I'm beginning to realize
that your cost or just to high
because its not worth losing myself
and who God created me to be
for some five minutes of acceptance
that will fade
and then i'll be empty again

I think its time
that i take a stand for myself
and become the person that i used to be
The person God created me to be

all alone

I remember that day so well
My heart still breaks like it was yesterday
I have never cried so hard
as I did that day you walked away

I begged and begged for you to stay
But you said you just couldn't stay
that you just had to get away

You made up so many lies
And stories
And not a single reason for you to stay
You said you never loved me in the first place

You said you were a Man
But you ran like a boy
Over time i have come to realize the truth

You didn't run because of the reasons i thought you did
you ran because the more i knew you
the more i showed you
things you didn't even know about yourself
and that scared you

you were scared if i dug to deep
i would find you
the real you
the one you try so hard to hide
and that scared you

so it wasn't me you were running from
it was yourself

When you left you told me
you regretted nothing
but that was a lie too

because one day down the road
maybe not today
maybe not tomorrow
maybe not until 5 years from now

you will regret that day you walked away
because in truth you can't run from yourself
one day you will have to face the one thing
you've always been scared of
you

and when that day comes
the only difference between now and then
is that you let a girl go
that was willingly to face it with you

expect now
its too late
she's already let you go
just like you let her go

and now you have to face this
all alone

Who I used to be

As i look in the mirror
I slowly see myself fading
Little by Little
All because i'm slowly losing myself
And trying to be
Who I think you want me to be

I want so desperately for you to notice
So I change myself
Into someone I hope you'd like me to be
I'd do anything just for you to notice me

But I am slowly waking up
And realizing
You will never see me
If I change myself for you

You're so wrapped up in yourself
to even know I'm alive
I'm beginning to realize
that you were just a waste of my time

I thought we were close
That we had something special
But the longer i know you

The more i begin to realize
I never knew the real you
to begin with

I'm beginning to realize
that your cost or just to high
because its not worth losing myself
and who God created me to be
for some five minutes of acceptance
that will fade
and then i'll be empty again

I think its time
that i take a stand for myself
and become the person that i used to be
The person God created me to be

ask me to stay

Sitting right beside each other
Yet it feels like we're living in separate worlds
Our hearts so disconnected
So close, yet so far apart
holding on to memories
to us and what use to be
hoping one day, maybe we can be again
I'm not asking for much
Just to be friends again
To laugh like we used to
talking about pointless nothings
don't you miss it?
who we used to be
or are you so caught up
in the lie
that everything's just peachy
that there's nothing we need to fix
i feel as though i am becoming
so numb to this
this has become my way of living, my life
This cant be all there is
there has to be more
I wanna work on this
I wanna fix us
But I can't do it alone
It takes the two of us
Are you for the change
or should i just walk away

I don't want to
But at the same time
I cant keep living in this dream
in all honesty i just want you
to do just one thing
just ask me to stay

My love for you

Running around in circles
Going nowhere fast
the cycle never seems to end
Countless heart breaks
And mending back together again
So much happiness
So many smiles
Wanting to make a difference
Hoping for a change
Constantly looking for that freedom
A chance to spread her wings
To make skies beyond the limit

Endlessly searching
For something that can never
truly be found

For it is a gift
Only to be to given
when you are truly ready
to receive it
Always feeling caged, ready to break free
fenced it, ready to jump it
and never look back

But you see, in truth
if you were to be set free

How can you fly
when your father has only just begun to teach you
Not because he doesn't want you to
but because you have to learn the basics
before you can even try

If he gave you the gift
could you honestly handle it
when you've only just began to see
the love the father has for you

Be patient little one
For i have so much planned for you
these fences are only temporary
to be removed little by little
not to hold you back
but to prepare you
to mold you into everything
I have created you to be

One day you will be free
One day you will be loved and love
Like nothing you've ever felt before
though it may take time
for these promises to come true
keep faith like a child
never lose site of
the fathers love for you

The real you

You hide behind a million different masks
Wearing the smile, hiding the frown
your one person here, and another there
So many walls, surrounding the real you
Protecting your heart, yet hiding yourself
So many people always giving up
pretending the don't know
that they don't see

But not me, i wanna know
I wanna see, behind the masks
behind the walls, show me you
the real you
You wear so many masks
I wanna break them all down

Just be you
who your supposed to be
The one I love

Its over, its done

Why do i always believe you
trust you
and your stupid endless lies
only have my heart broken once again
that's all you ever do to me
its totally pointless
your so fake
even to yourself
you tell me lies. give me hope.

give me a ray of sun
only to take it away once again
and turn the clouds to gray
i'm not as stupid as you play me off to be
every time i'm around you
i feel so dead inside
so completely numb to the world
i'm tired of the choke hold you have over me
its so much easier to cut you off completely
to pretend your don't even exist
people will judge me
point fingers at me
say things about me
make me off to be the bad guy
but i'm to the point
i could careless
i'm so tired of the feeling i feel inside
whenever your around me
its over
and i am done

Dreamer

Every heart has a dream
that they hold oh so tightly too
letting no one come to close too
protecting it the best you can
letting no harm come near
while you shape it with all you have
all your time
all your effort
molding it to profection
holding it oh so tightly in fear of letting go
but soon you feel safe
you feel strong
you feel ready
you feel nothing can stop you
everything will happen the way you have it planned
that your dreams can finally come true without fail
so then, we take a leap of faith
and we fail
things don't go our way
and we fall flat on our face
completely giving up hope
we feel stupid
we fell not good enough
we feel hopeless, and worthless
so we give in and give up
We cry ourselves to sleep at night
blaming ourselves
living in the "What if" land
wondering what we coulda, what we shoulda done differently
Can't you see
the plans he has for you
that he made before you were even born
Can't you see
the person he has created you to be
To be brighter then all the shining stars
More beautiful then the Sunsets
Bigger then all the mountains
Worth more then the world in your own hands
His limits go beyond the skies
His hopes and dreams for you
are much bigger then you can even image them to be
better then you could have ever planned
much more then you ever have or will image
with him you will go further and higher
then you ever dreamed
you will do the things you never thought possible
you will be the person that the world tells you
you can never be
And all it takes is a little faith
trusting him with all you have
stepping out of your comfort zone
and just giving it to him
He never promises it will be easy
but his word says you will make it through
just let him write your life story
the path is yours to choose
he's reaching out his hand
now the choice is yours to make

Silly little Words

the promises you made
the promises you told me
you intended to keep
the memories we share
the memories you told me
we were going to make
the laughter that filled the room
the twinkle in your eye
the smile from ear to ear
all simply just faded into the wind
and disappeared
like nothing more then dirt
crashing my heart
bit by bit
you walk back into my life
just like that
promising it will be different
promising me your different
you say just wait
to just hold on to your words
that soon it i will see
the changes you have made
but the walls around me protect me
though i may let you see me
i will never fully let you in
its just to easy to trust you
and your words
because to me
their just empty promises
and silly little words

Black Rose, Red

Look into her eyes
Can you see
The deadness that has a hold
That holds the key
Darkness fills her life
Stumbling to get away
Can you just set her free
Let her become the beautiful red rose
that she's supposed to be
instead of the black dead rose
that she has so bitterly become
She clings to the memories of yesterday
and what used to be
with the little bit of life she has left
but thats all it is
a broken memory
and thats all it can be
nothing more
because she can't go back
even if she wanted to
she has to just let go
and move on
And become to person she's supposed to be
the beautiful princess God has created her to be
you have my hand so tightly
pleading she begs you to just let go
to just let her go
the bitterness is filling her
the walls are going up higher and higher
and no matter how you try
she will refuse to even you try to break them down
its over
its done
she is gone
and never will she look back
she's finally learning to laugh
to feel the joy and peace
her blacked heart
can't you see
she would give anything
if you'd just let her live again

Slowly Fading

Slowly fading
right before your eyes
cant you even see
what you do to me
or do you already see it
and just not even care
locking me in this cage
slowly suffocating me
only allowing me to breathe
when its convenient for you
there's nothing i can do
to you I am powerless
I sit here in this cage
that you have made for me
to me it has become
the place i call home
i watch as life passes me by
slowly i feel the bitterness
raising up within
I don't want it to be this way
I don't want to feel this way
But at the same time
I need to breathe
I need to be me
I can not wait for the day
I pray for the day
night after night
when I can finally be free
when I can finally break away
from these chains that you so tight wrap around me
when you finally have no say
No more control over me
When I can finally be free
When I can finally be me
can't you see
what you do to me
how every time you do this
a part of me dies
little by little
how i am slowly fading
do you see it
and choice to ignore it
do you see it
and just not even care

The words you said
Forever in my mind
With your soft gentle tone
I still hear you say
It will all be alright
The promises you made
Never would you leave me
Forever my heart holds on to
The future is now the past
the pain I caused
the scars I left
Forever the guilt haunts my heart
The tears you shed
broke my heart
I can never do enough
say enough
show you enough
How sorry I really am

The things you said
pierced cut like swords
breaking and scarring my
already broken heart
your soft gentle tone
now filled with anger and hatred
nothing to hold on to
just pain and suffering
from the future and the past
the scars you wore
are now mine to bare
forever the guilt haunts my heart
the tears you cried
are now dry
nothing left to think about

my heart bleeds
as I stand there
And watch you walk away
with not even a single look back
Reminded daily by myself
That I screwed up

Harsh reality hits
I realize that I never meant anything to you
Dirt was worth more then me
You played me at my own game
Just laughing in my face
You were never in pain
The only person I really ever hurt
Was myself

Battle with yourself

Yet another sleepless night
thoughts flooding the mind
such a heavy heart
trying to stay strong
trying to stay brave
but wants so badly
just to fall apart
already in a million little pieces
struggling to find my way
back together again
so broken and bruise
time is my only healer
struggling to stay alive
so many things going wrong
so hurt that i can barely see
the few small things that are going right
watching the stars that surround me
wishing on yet another shooting star
making another silly little wish
praying that same old prayer
over and over again
wanting some relief
wanting to be saved
its time to stand up and fight
its time to let you know
that I am who I am
and I can not
Will not be shaken
this is the hardest battle
I will ever have to fight
when you fight the battle
with yourself

Wishing that you only knew

Night and Day
His heart is breaking
Wishing that you only knew

Everyday you cry
Because you think your all alone

Everyday is He is watching
And crying with you
Wishing that you only knew

Everyday you ask
Why me?
Why I am here?
What good is somebody like me?

Everyday He is softly whispering to you
Wishing that you only knew

Everynight you cry
yourself to sleep
Praying that tomorrow
It will be better

Everynight He is still crying with you
And softly whispering
Wishing that you only knew

Everyday & Everynight
You feel so broken and bruised
Like no one understands you
You feel so alone
And He is wishing that you only knew

Everyday He is wishing that you only knew
Wishing you only knew
That His hearting is breaking
Because the one He truly loves
Doesn't even know

That every time you shed a tear
He shed's ten more

When you ask questions
He is trying so hard
To just get you to listen

Why me? Why I am here? What good am I?
He had GREAT plans for YOU before you were even born
You are here to do GREAT things for Him
You are a treasure and a jewel in His eyes

Everynight He wants you to know
His mercies are new each day

Everyday & Everynight
He wants you to know
He sent His one and only Son
From Heaven to Earth
To be BROKEN & BRUISED
FOR YOU

Wonder Why

Time passing by oh so fast
mermories that were meant to last
are now becoming a thing of the past
Times have changed
Neither of us are who we used to be
You used to be the only one
Who could see the real me
you used to care and you used to try.
and now you dont even say hi when you pass by.
i wonder why
You used to let me in
You used to let me see the real you
Now you just push me away
like it was nothing
and i wonder why
time is escaping us
distance soon to pull us apart
you promised that you would remember me always
so many promises you made
i wonder if you will keep
time will tell
so many things in the air
we used to speak everyday
now you can't even say hi when you pass by
you used care you used to try
and i can't help but wonder why

Tears from the heart

The heaviness of my heart
So tempted to break
The heaviness of the tears
that fill the eyes
trying so hard not to fall
everything around crashing to the ground
so ready to fall down
to just give up
nothing left worth fighting for
thoughts of only sadness
the future so undecided
so many paths to take
but none worth taking
the battle is over
and yet another lose
others say keep trying
but theres nothing left to try for
the crack on the heart
growing bigger and bigger
its only a matter of time before it breaks
a tear falls for the eye
soon it will pour like a flood

Strength in Weakness

Everything around is beginning to change
Yet so much is staying the same
Just when you think
Its finally gonna be alright
Something all of a sudden
Goes missing
Shakes you from your comfort zone
But then
There are the things you pray will change
A ray of hope shines through
But quickly the clouds of gray
Fill the skies again
You want to cry
And laugh all at the same time
The memories are all you have
All you have left to hold on to
At the same time
They are the very thing
You need to let go of
To move on
To spread your wings and fly
My heart is heavy
You know what has to be done
You know it is time
Time to move on
To step out into the unknown
Its time to start
To start taking chances
To be who you are
To be who God created you to be
Time to follow His plan
Live your life for Him
Nothing has ever felt so right
And so scary at the same time
Living your life for everyone else
Is what you have always done
But its time
Time to stop
To once do whats right for you
Sure it wont be easy
But its time
Its time
To spread your wings and fly

Shooting Star

as she sits on the porch
looking at the stars
enjoying their beauty
twinkling, shining so bright
thinking though they are hundreds probably thousands of millions apart
their worlds were so much a like
So many stars
Some shining brighter then others
Some big, some small
No two were a just a like
A small star caught her eye
It was so far away from the others
No a single one around it
it was totally alone
She wondered if the star felt lonely
rejected, like a complete odd ball
Not big enough, brighten, twinkling enough
trying to please others always
yet it never felt like enough
feeling complete stuck where it was
For several nights she watched that one star
oddly finding comfort
realizing some how, some way
she wasn't alone

One night she walked out to her porch
and sat down
tears filled her eyes
her heart so heavy
it felt like her world was crashing in
She prayed aloud

"God, help me.
I feel so lost and alone
So stuck
So small
So alone
So frustrate and angry
Yet so happy and sad
Please I know I'm perfect
But please give me some sign
Some sign that some how
this pain, this life
is all worth it
that I'm worth it.''

She couldn't hold her tears back anymore
She just let them out
something inside her, told her to look up
So just did
She look towards her little star
Suddenly she realized it was bigger
Brighter then the rest
Twinkling so proud
In the blink of an eye
it became shooting star
finally free

She couldn't help but cry again
but this time
the tears weren't tears of sorrow
they were tears of joy and happiness

She looked up to the sky
with a smile almost as bright as the stars
“Thank you. Thank you.''

Just then it started to rain
she couldn't help but laugh
she just sat there
letting the rain fall on her
she was happy
because for the first time
She felt thing
really felt something
deep inside her heart
Even though her little star friend was gone
She wasn't alone
She was never alone
God was always with her
And though the world may feel like crap sometimes
it was finally worth it
She was finally worth it

Outside looking in

Evers since I was a kid
It's always been the same
She's always been the one on the outside looking in
No where to go
No one to talk to
Always stuck at the same old place
The place she's suppose to be able to call
"Home Sweet Home''
But not to her, its more like
She's a bird with wings who's not allowed to fly
Trapped in a cage
With no way out
No way to spread her wings and fly
She's always on the outside looking in
No knows how she feels
No one to lean on
Or wipe away the tears
When she goes to hang with her so called ''friends''
Its always the same
Their all laughing and talking
About something fun they did together
That she wasn't there for
Because she was at her so comed ''home''
So she sits there
Once again putting on a fake smile
And laughing an empty laugh
Pretending it doesn't matter
That it doesn't put another
Scar on her already broken heart
That she doesn't want to fly
But on day that will all change
One day this bird will fly
She will fly far, far away
And never look back again
She will never remember what she left but behind
Because it will have been nothing worth remembering
And NO ONE NO ONE
Will be able to stop her
Because she will be
Untouchable, Untame able
Wild and finally free
One day that wild and free bird
Will finally be
ME

I love you is when...

I love you is when...
you stay on the phone
for hours and hours
talking about anything everything
from totally random and pointless
to totally dead serious
But the topic nevers seems to matter
as long as you get to hear each others voice

I love you is when...
you laugh so hard at 1 am
that your covering your face with a pillow
because your parents don't know your on the phone

I love you is when...
you whole face lights up
when someone mentions their name
or your just thinking abou them
or a random moment you shared

I love you is when...
your day just doesn't feel right
or something feels totally out of place and missing
when you don't get to talk to them

I love you is when...
You can be your dorky, loud, crazy, weird, goofy self
around them and they just totally laugh at you
because they wouldn't change a thing

I love you is when..
everything you would hate about yourself
or find totally embarrassing
is something I find totally cute about you

I love you is when...
You suddenly love coats in the middle of summer
just so that you can be close to one another

I love you is when...
you feel my heart beating
so fast because i am so nervous
that you were my first kiss

I love you is when...
you still give me butterflies
just by touching me
or reaching for my hand
and you don't even know it

I love you is when...
I still stand on my tippy toes
just to kiss you

I love you is when...
you constantly say sorry
even when its not your fault
I can't help but smile and laugh
but I would never ask you to change a thing

I love you is when...
You can totally make me melt
just by looking at me
And you totally have me wrapped around your finger
yet you still don't even know it yet

I love you is when...
goodbyes just aren't enough anymore
because the night just didn't feel right
or complete without saying....

I love you

Only going forward

She runs to her room and shuts the door

Pacing back and forth

So lost and confused

Tears filling her eyes

She goes to her closet

She grabs the suitcase and throws it on the bed

So many emotions rolled into one

She begins to throw clothes in her suitcase

Barely even paying attention

At the bottom of her drawer

There its lies

Something she handle dear

To some people it was just a notebook

But to her, it was everything

Every feeling and memory that handle a place in her heart

Was in the notebook

She picked it up and held it close for a moment

Tears streaming down her faces

Her hands so shaken

She drops it

Pictures fall out

Her heart breaks as looks

The smile on her face in the pictures

Of the way it used to be

As much as she wanted to

She could never go back

The past was the past

She had no choice but to move forward

She picked on the pictures and placed them back in the notebook

Then she carefully set in her suitcase on top

Then she zipped it shut

Tears continuing to fill her eyes

She grabbed a piece of paper

And sat down on the bed

She wrote to her hearts content

Saying what she had never had the guts to say

Writing down every feeling that went unspoken

She folded the letters up

Put them in envolopes

And placed them neatly on her bed

She walked to her window

Opened it slowly trying not to make a sound

She sat there for a moment

Just looking at the stars

Listening to the sound the crickets and birds

She watched the fireflies dance so freely

Her heart was racing, hands still shaking

She took a deep breath and picked up her bag

And quietly climbed out the window

She had no clue where she was going

Or what she would do when she got there

She just knew she had to get away

Start over

A part of her wanted people to ask her to stay

But a part of her

A bigger part

Knew she could never stay

She needed to go somewhere new

Where no one even knew her name

The past was the past

And she was only going forward from here

My fault

Day after day
All we do is fight
About anything and everything
Hurting ourselves and mostly each other
But what really hurts the most
Is that you see right through
You never see the true me
If you saw the true me
You would know why I hurt so much
Day after day
All I want to do
All I try to do
Is please you
You and I have grown so far a part
That you can see my pain
All I want is to hear you say

"I am so proud of you"
Instead all I hear is
"You have disappoint me"

I long to hear you say
"I love you"
But all I ever hear is
"Its all your fault"

All I want to here you say
"I love you and I couldn't ask for a better daughter"
But all I hear is
"Why can't you be better"

All I want is to hear you say
"I love you, And I'm glad your my daughter"

Instead when I go to bed at night
Hoping to dream sweet dreams
All I can replay in my head is
"Its your fault, Its your fault"

So night after night
I cry myself to sleep because I know its my fault

Give up

I give up.
This is never going to change.
It will never be what it was again.
No there is no more denying it.
No more wasting my time trying to hide it.
It was it is.
Even if I hate it.
I have no choice in it anymore.
I thought I had so much to gain.
But I only seem to lose it.
This is not some small obstacle.
That I can over come in time.
It is a mountain I can never climb.
It is now my only way of life.
So it is what is it.
And I am who I am.
And I just give up.

From the heart

So much I wanted say.
So much I wanted do.
So many emotions I wanted share.
So much..
So much..
Yet it ended before it even began.
I didn't understand.
I still don't understand.
You.
This.
Any of it.
There was a reason.
There was a purpose.
But its gone.
Faded into the wind.
How?
How did we lose it?
How do we get it back?
Time, time is slipped away fast.
Before we knew it.
It was gone.
What do we do?
What do we do to get it back?
I want it back so bad.
I need it back more then anything.
My heart longs for it.
Please don't go away.
Please just come back.
Come back to stay.
Please don't leave me.
Please don't leave me this way.
What do I do?
What do I say?
Why?
Why can't it just be?

Fragile Broken Heart

The promises that you make
the promises that you say
that you tell me you will always keep
your every word
My heart tightly holds on to
every night before I sleep
my heart says that same old prayer
Making a wish on that tiny shooting star
Hoping for the day
when every thing you say
finally becomes my reality
So please be careful
in what you say and do
because in this I trust you
even though I promised myself I wouldn't
I have already given you my fragile broken heart
scars are my constant reminder never to do it again
band aids protect the old wounds
the memories we make
the words you say
they make me laugh
they make me smile
they are forever written on my heart
Please don't turn them into
More tears, sorrow and pain
because in this I trust you
in this I give you my fragile broken heart

Escape

The moon shining bright

The stars surrounding

The crickets and the birds

Play the soft music

The fireflies dance around

The trees slowly sway

Making the perfect breeze

Laying on the grass

She finally finds an escape

His chest is the place

She chooses to lay her head

His arms around her

She can't help but feel safe

She listens to his heart beat

She can't help but smile

In your eyes

One look it his eyes

and she could get lost

No words are needed

Between the two

The feeling so strong

It says it all

Everything so perfect

so calming

so peaceful

Its like for that one moment

The world has stopped

She can finally just breathe

For that moment

You were her escape

Is my love enough?

As she watchs at her mothers bedroom door
She tries so hard not to cry
But the tries just begin to stream down
Her rosy red cheeks
She begins to pray
''God, please let my mommy stay
I'm promised I'll be good
But please don't take me mommy away''
Her mom came out of the room
Carring a suitcase leaned and down
And hugged her daughter goodbye
Then walked out to door and left
Never once looking back
The little girl opened the door and ran after her mother
''Mommy, Please stay!''
''Theres nothing worth staying''
she said climbing in the car never once looking at her daughter
The thought as fast as she could
''I Love You!''
She said really fast
''Isn't my love enough to make you stay?''
The mother didn't reply she just got in the car
And began to pull out of the driveway
The little ran after the car
But it was to late the car and her mother were out of site
She just stood there and cried
''I love you mommy, Its that enough? I love you.''

Cooties...

the little girl runs up to mom. Screaming "Mommy, Mommy!" The mom picks her daughter up and asked her what was wrong. "That little boy touched me.'' She replied quickly calming down. "Did he hit you?" the little girl shook her head no. "Push you?" The little shook her head no again. "Then what did he do?" "I already told you, mommy.'' The little girl said beginning to get frustrated. "Honey all you said was he touched you.'' "thats just it! he touch me, mommy. Boys have cooties!!" She said mad at the little boy. The mom couldn't help but laugh....


Those were the good old days.
When girls thought boys had cooties.
And boys thought girls had cooties.
Life was easy then.

Then you get older....

They say that girls mature faster then boys.

If thats true...then why do we keep going back to boys?
(if you ask me. Not the best idea)

Butterflies

Butterflies in her stomach
Smiles and laughs
Never in her life
Has something felt so right
So innocent
So real
It feels like a dream
Like to good to be true
But it is real
Very real
Finally her dream
Is a reality
A bittersweet reality
But a reality
No the less
One she never wants to end
One she plans to enjoy
Every minute of
Until that day comes
You always make her smile
You always make her laugh
Even when you don't know it
Even when your not around
God put you here
In her life
She doesn't know why
But she knows he did
Its so amazing
She thanks him for it
With no complaints
Not a single one
She must admit
She is dreading this
That day
The saying goodbye
Her heart will break
and Rejoice all at the same time
Rejoice for everything you will be gaining
Yet break for what she is losing
Its times like this that she always wants to remember
Forever they are written on her heart

Bottling it up

i want so badly to say
whats truly on my heart
to just let it out
to stop pretending
pretending i don't care

the things i wanna say
but don't
the things i feel
but don't express

i want so badly to just be honest
to just let it out
but i can't
i just can't
so i bottle it up

laugh, smile and nod
then when no one is looking
just let the tears flow

why
why can't i just say it
why can't i just express it
why do i feel the need to hide

what i do
what do i say
what do i feel
how do i express
the things deeply written on my heart

i am so lost in all this
so alone
so guess i just bottle it up
and pretend i just don't care